Second that emotion!

Ishbel Straker unpacks why leaders need to stop fearing their feelings

Emotions are a gift. They tell us something about our hearts, our experiences, and our connections with others. But how we express them can either bring growth and healing or cause pain and distance.

When we take the time to reflect on our emotions – where they come from, how they affect us, and how they shape our relationships – we open the door to transformation. But what happens when emotions are ignored, dismissed, or expressed recklessly?

People shut down. They become defensive. Vulnerability starts to feel unsafe. This is especially true for those in ministry, where emotions can be seen as a chink in the armour rather than a bridge to connection.

I’ve seen many in ministry wrestle with the belief that they must always be strong, always composed, always above the emotional weight that others carry. But this expectation is not only unrealistic – it’s damaging. We are human. We feel. We struggle. And pretending otherwise only isolates us further.

Understanding Emotions

When emotions are expressed with honesty and care, they create space for real connection. They allow others to see that vulnerability is not weakness – it’s courage. When people witness leaders embracing their emotions in healthy ways, they too learn that it’s okay to feel deeply. That emotions aren’t something to fear, but something to understand.

At the same time, emotions – if left unchecked – can overwhelm us. They can cloud our judgment, hurt our relationships, and leave us exhausted. The key is balance: not suppressing what we feel but expressing our emotions in a way that leads to growth rather than harm.

Expressing Emotions

• Pause before reacting – When emotions rise, take a breath. Instead of acting on impulse, ask yourself: what am I really feeling? What triggered this?
• Give it time – Emotions can feel overpowering in the moment. Revisit them once they settle. Do you still feel the same way? Was your reaction fair?
• Examine your standards – Are you expecting yourself never to feel frustration, sadness, or fear? Be kind to yourself. Emotions don’t make you weak. They make you real.
• Decide what needs to change – What do you want to experience differently next time? What small steps can help you respond in a more healthy manner?
• Communicate with care – If someone else is involved, think about how you can express yourself in a way that builds understanding rather than creating conflict.

Avoidance Costs

Many people avoid processing emotions because it’s exhausting. And yes – it does take effort. It takes patience. But growth never happens in avoidance. Healing never comes from pretending we don’t feel.

The truth is, emotions shape us. They teach us. They move us towards change. And when we learn to express them with wisdom and grace, we are able to find freedom – not just for ourselves, but for those around us.

You don’t have to fear what you feel. Emotions aren’t your enemy. They’re your guide – leading you toward deeper connection, greater self-awareness, and a stronger, more authentic life.

This article first appeared in Direction Magazine. For further details, please click here.