Detoxing masculinity

Ishbel Straker reflects on how the church can help boys and men rediscover healthy masculinity

At the time of writing, the world is captivated by a TV series exploring the complex emotional and psychological aftermath of murder ‒ not just for victims and families, but even for the perpetrators. The show, Adolescence, has gained widespread popularity for its bold and impactful exploration of difficult themes.

While the series covers many important issues, the one that stood out to me most was masculinity. What is masculinity? What happens when it’s distorted or eroded? And what elements are essential for sustaining emotional and mental wellbeing in boys and men? The question I keep returning to is this: “What role do male role models play in shaping a man’s sense of self ‒ and what happens when those role models are absent or unhealthy?”

Masculinity in Scripture and Psychology

The Bible presents a rich and balanced image of healthy, godly masculinity ‒ not based on dominance or control, but on character, humility, responsibility, and service. These qualities are often taught in churches, but they also align closely with principles found in modern psychology.

In contrast, the growing use of the term ‘toxic masculinity’ highlights the damage caused by rigid gender norms that teach men to suppress emotions like fear, sadness, or vulnerability. Boys are often led to believe that expressing emotion is a sign of weakness.

This emotional suppression is strongly associated with:

• Increased anxiety and depression
• Difficulties in forming healthy relationships
• Substance abuse
• Suicidal ideation

The Damage of Absent Role Models

Many boys grow up without seeing positive male figures who display emotional intelligence, gentleness, or compassion. Without this example, they often look elsewhere ‒ to:

• Aggressive or hypermasculine media portrayals
• Peer groups that reinforce harmful behaviour
• Cultural myths that equate masculinity with dominance or emotional numbness

The result? Poor coping mechanisms, low self-esteem, identity confusion, and emotional shutdown.

Relationship Struggles and Isolation

When masculinity is modelled in harmful ways ‒ either through aggression or emotional absence ‒ it disrupts a man’s ability to:

• Communicate emotional needs
• Set and respect healthy boundaries
• Build trust and connection

These struggles often lead to isolation, which only worsens mental health during challenging life events such as divorce, unemployment, or fatherhood.

The Role of the Church

This brings us to an important question: What is the church’s role in all of this? Churches are uniquely placed to offer a safe space where healthy masculinity can be taught and modelled. Within a faith community, there is a powerful opportunity to help boys and men rewrite damaging narratives ‒ but only if we are willing to see the gaps and acknowledge the needs.

Are we recognising the opportunity before us? More personally: have we acknowledged the deficit within ourselves?

Healthy Masculinity

Research clearly shows that positive male role models are a protective factor for mental health. They show that strength includes vulnerability, that failure and grief are not weaknesses, and that empathy and accountability are markers of maturity ‒ not signs of fragility.

Men exposed to healthy masculinity are more likely to:

• Seek help when struggling
• Understand and regulate their emotions
• Build resilient, respectful relationships
• Sustain better long-term mental health

Healing Ourselves, Empowering Others

This is not just about raising awareness. It’s about taking action. We must deal with our own experiences of poor or absent male role models so that we can break generational patterns and create space for healing. When we do this inner work, we don’t just restore ourselves ‒ we model wholeness for the next generation.

Let’s not miss the opportunity to lead well, love well, and model a masculinity that strengthens, protects, and heals.

This article first appeared in Direction Magazine. For further details, please click here.